I came out of my mother screaming. Literally. I was screaming while coming down the birth canal and came out choking on fluids. My very first word was "No.", and they called me baby Rambo because I could somehow crawl up and out of my baby pen. As I grew from a toddler into a little person, I didn't get any easier. When my mother would try to brush my hair I would growl and throw tantrums so it wasn't uncommon to see me with wild hair full of knots. As a teenager I was just as stubborn and full of fire to live my life the way that I chose, and only how I chose to live it. I painted graffiti. I climbed bridges and snuck into train yards. I drove to different cities in the midwest at night to sell t-shirts and mix tapes at raves when I wasn't even old enough to be there, and still went to high school in the morning.
I missed lots of school, but I still had good grades. I hated high school. I hated having to be stuck in a room I didn't want to be in. I wanted to be out in the world. Eventually, I transferred to Jefferson County High School, the school for dropouts, and graduated early because you do your work at your own pace. I found a loop hole.
When I was 17 I had a week before I was starting a new job as a secretary for an insurance company and had ended my other job, at Dollar Tree. While with friends at a Denny's I asked if anyone wanted to drive to New York the next day, and that's what we did the very next day. Myself and two of my guy friends took my Jetta and drove with no plans of where to stay. I had a friend in Philly so we went there. We split a cheap hotel some where in Pennsylvania. Then we went to New York and took the train to as many parts of the city as we could that day. I saw Manhattan, Harlem, Soho, Coney Island, Brooklyn. We made all the stops. We ended up sleeping on the side of the New Jersey turnpike. They were gentlemen and slept in a tent on the grass and I slept in the car, surrounded by parked semi trucks.
As I grew older I never lost that wanderlust. Most of the trips I've taken have been impulsive ones, taking the chance whenever I could grab them in between the responsibilities of adult hood. However, the only thing as strong in me as my stubborn passion to live is my passion to give. Finding a balance between being a nurturer and remembering to keep your eye on what you personally want can be a hard one, and it's no one's fault but your own. I think that's the balance that all of us seek to find for true happiness. To not become lazy and complacent. To not worry about what others want of us and to go big or go home, while not panicking. (I have tattoos of both of these sayings.) We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to please others. To worry about what other people may think. This year may we all put more pressure on what we want while being good to your fellow humans along the way, and may you surround yourself with people who lift you up and encourage those dreams. Be excellent to each other.
"I don't know where I'm going from here, but I promise it won't be boring." -David Bowie
